she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
