I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
