i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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