He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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