Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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