Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
