She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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