Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
