i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize