I'm eating all of the evidence.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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