Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
