You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
