i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
