Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
