Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
