He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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