Already got asked if we're dating
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
