He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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