Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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