you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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