Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize