I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
