I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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