I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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