Can i not drive my cunt home
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
