I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
