im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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