Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
