you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
