Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
