Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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