Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
