I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
