i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
