I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
