I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I think i got beer on your cat.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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