my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
