I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just high enough for therapy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
