My vagina just recognized that song.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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