Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize