I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
