My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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