listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Randomize
