Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
