I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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