Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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