I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What a dumb baby whore.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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