census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the condom got lost in my hair
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
