so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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