dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
