I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
