Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize