It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
