ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
