It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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