I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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