Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
