Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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