hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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