Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
