haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
